"The Other Side" of 3SX |
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We're not ALL business here at 3SX. We have a silly, goofy, stoopid, funny side as well. We'll post random stuff we find either internally or elsewhere in the world that we think is, well, we'll just say... "interesting" Be sure to check back frequently for more new additions!
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Sex After Death A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: " Marion ... Marion " "Is that you, Bob?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again" "Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?" "No...........I'm a rabbit in Arizona
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The Easter Bunny Identity Crisis!! In the Spirit of Easter here are some pictures to make you smile.
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EGGspressions Various scenes features expressive eggs! Just since Easter is just around the corner.....
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Your day should look pretty good after seeing this! I could have sworn I hit the brake pedal!
Car upside down in the bay - see guy standing on it? Call out the wrecker!
Coming back up...coming...coming
Coming...almost there!
Ooops!
I could have sworn I set the brakes on that truck !Time to get a Bigger Wrecker!
Ok, we got the car...let's get the other wrecker now!
O...O...oohhh No!! Who's gonna explain THIS one to the insurance guys? SEE...your day has not been so bad after all...
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Random Rooms The following is a public restroom in Houston TX. Looks rather innocuous to the passerby...
BUT.... Once you are inside, you have the full view of the world! And you have to have faith that the world can't see in! It's made with special one-way glass to prevent peepers.
Would YOU be able to "do yer bizness" in such a bathroom box??? ------------------------- The most spacious bathroom ever built!
------------------------------- The smoker's lounge "with a view"
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Tools Explained DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your coffee across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light ... Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!' SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
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| In Honor of Stupid People . . . In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.  On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!) ==========================  On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) ===========================  On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.) ==========================  On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) =======================  On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.) ====================================  On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) ===========================   On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be???....) ============================ On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's just a suggestion.) ========================</ FONT>  On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me time?) ==============================  On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (..I'm taking this because???....) ==============================  On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to what?) ========================== On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) ==============================  On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: say what?) ===========================  On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) ========================  On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) =========================== |
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You Never Know Just What You Might Find A New York man retired. He wanted to use his retirement money wisely, so it would last, and decided to buy a home and a few acres in Portugal. The modest farmhouse had been vacant for 15 years; the owner and wife both had died, and there were no heirs. The house was sold to pay taxes. There had been several lookers but the large barn had steel doors, and they had been welded shut. Nobody wanted to go to the extra expense to see what was in the barn, and it wasn't complimentary to the property anyway......so, nobody made an offer on the place. The New York guy bought it at just over half of the property's worth, moved in, and set out to tear into the barn.......curiosity was killing him. So, he and his wife bought a generator, and a couple of grinders........and cut thru the welds. What was in the barn...............?
VALUED AT $35 MILLION DOLLARS. The man and his wife had full claim to the lot. Needless to say, they had a GREAT retirement.
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More Stoopid Newz!
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Make us LOL!!!Got something that you think is worthy of our funny bone page? Send it to us! Email your joke, picture, video, link, etc, to FunnyStuff@3SX.com
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